Edwardian Funeral Customs

When someone died, among your personal grief, there was also a ritual to follow, like a mourning etiquette. After someone in your family died, you should write to all friends and relatives on black edged paper, it didn’t need to be a full letter, just a short note stating the event. Invitations to the funeral are sent out in a couple of days.

If you were the friend or relative receiving the death notice, then you should personally call at the house of the deceased to offer your sympathy and offer your services. The offer of services was especially expected of men, because they could often provide practical help to the bereaved.

Sometimes the bereaved family did not want visitors, or sometimes, it was just not possible for you to personally call at the house. In this case you should write your condolences. If you did not know the deceased person well, you could send your calling card with the word “Sympathy” written across it. If, however, you were very close, you could write a short note that would bring comfort to the deceased’s family. Something like:

“My dear Mrs. Smith – we are distressed to hear of the sad loss you are going through. Both Mr. Brown and myself wish so much that we might lighten the burden that has fallen. Our associations with your husband were so pleasant that we feel a personal grief and realize something of what you are going through.

Believe me, with deepest sympathy,

Jane Eleanor Brown”.

Formal offerings were usually sent to the house on the day of the funeral. If you were a close friend, you might bring some loose cut flowers.

If you were asked to be a pall-bearer, you really should regard the request as an honour and an obligation. Only those whom the deceased held in great regard were asked. If you refused, you had better have a very strong and valid reason.

From the hour of death until the funeral, the family of the deceased would rarely be seen out on the street. The family would not organise the funeral themselves. A reliable and trusted male friend would do things such as arrange the funeral day, the burial or cremation and find an undertaker. A female friend would order mourning clothes for the family. The only thing the family did was to arrange the seating plan at the funeral and also arrange carriages for their closest friends.

Clothes

For the funeral, ladies could wear a plain black dress with a full black veil. You could also have with you a black bordered handkerchief.

Men should wear a black suit, gloves, tie and hat. The hat should have a black mourning band around it.

After the funeral, it was up to the individual as to whether they wanted to wear full mourning clothes or not. If you did, then you should stick to its strict rules, which meant not going out to dances, dinners, and afternoon teas etc... So if you couldn’t do without your social delights, it was better to not wear mourning at all.

Many families who considered themselves to be “well bred” did not wear mourning at all. They would wear black to the funeral and afterwards, subdued colours would be enough.

If you did wear mourning, it had to be complete. The best materials for the dresses were Henrietta and cashmere. French serge made the best tailored suits. For house frocks, crepe de chine was a beautiful material to wear.

The widow would wear a “Widow’s bonnet” which was a small cap marked by a ruche. She would also wear a veil of crepe or grenadine. It used to be worn for the first year, but by 1908 it was not being worn for a long, and sometimes not at all.

Unmarried daughters of the family should wear a small hat or toque trimmed with lustreless silk or crepe draped with veils. She could also wear gloves if she wished.

If jewellery was to be worn, it should be in black enamel or jet, and the minimal amount of jewellery worn.

The amount of time spent in mourning varied depending on who had died and what relation you were to them:

*If a wife died, her husband should wear mourning for two years.

*If a husband died, his wife should wear deep mourning for one year, during the next nine months, the *crepe will slowly be reduced, until she is wearing plain black for the last three months.

*If a parent dies, the child should wear plain black all the time for a year.

*If a child dies, the parents should wear plain black all the time for a year.

*If a brother or sister dies, full mourning should be worn for five months, and half mourning for one month.

*If a grandparent dies, full mourning for nine months

*If and uncle, aunt, nephew or niece dies, full mourning for three months.

*For a first cousin, mourning should be worn for six weeks.

*A wife mourns for her husband’s relations the same as she would her own and vice versa.

After the funeral service, the mourners would usually got o the house of the deceased. The house was generally opened up and made as cheerful as possible.

A few days after the funeral, cards should be sent out to those who called round, sent cards and flowers etc. You should send a card that says something like “Thanks for your sympathy” written across it.

Stationary was also affected by death. If you lost a loved one, then cards and letters should be written on black bordered card or paper. The border should be half an inch thick for the first six months, and then a quarter of an inch for the next six months. An Italian border would be used for the second year.

If a woman lost her husband, her calling cards would not change to “Mrs. Mary Smith”. They would stay as “Mrs. John James Smith” unless she had a son who was also called John James Smith and he married. If that happened then his wife would be known as “Mrs. John James Smith” and the widowed mother would change to “Mrs. Mary Smith.”